Suicidal

Warning: This post may be triggering as it contains suicidal ideation information, and stories regarding mental health issues. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Site or Call the Hotline: 800-273-8255. There is help. 

Triggering

I decided to write this post today because I am having a lot of thoughts and feelings about the mental health epidemic we are seeing all over the world; but especially over the suicidal cases that have occured just this week alone.  

I’m going to be honest, it’s triggering. Each case that I see or read about of suicide ignites a sadness inside that is hard to explain. Call it empathy for the victims, or for the families of those who lost their love ones to suicide. Or… maybe it’s something else completely. Either way, I have something to say. 

I am not suicidal, but I have been in the past. I have been incredibly diligent about taking all the measures I know are helpful to me over the last year and it has made a world of difference. That doesn’t change the fact that I know I am at risk everyday of hitting a low. And that low could potentially take me back to the dark place I’ve experienced before. 

But I feel a strong need to speak about this because as someone who struggles with depression, and has struggled with suicidal thoughts, I understand that even those who have committed suicide deserve advocacy. Though they are not with us anymore, their struggle isn’t over because it continues with the ripple effect. The families, friends, loved ones are all still reaping the pain. Left with questions unanswered.

The Choice

I hate seeing any life taken by suicide. I wince at the thought of their pain; so poignant and raw, that they would choose to take their own life; unless you’ve been there, you just cant know what it’s like. But imagine this…   

The choice; preference to not be here… To not be alive. To not see loved ones. To not have more experiences, not even the good ones. To choose the unknown of death. Let that sink in! 

That is how much pain and agony these people are (were) in. Choosing to give up on the possibilities of the good. Possibilities weren’t worth it. Not to them. Or, they had no sense of possibilities at all. That is the monstrosity of their reality and their pain. 

Perspective

And let me make something very clear, because I’ve seen and heard, comments about how selfish someone has to be to take their own life and leave those they love in pain. Or how lazy someone has to be to just give up and not want to face their problems.  Here’s a fact; If you haven’t experienced it, you have no idea what you’re talking about. PERIOD. 

That goes for everything and anything in life. If you have never ______, then you don’t have any idea what it’s like. Stop judging! Stop making assumptions of what someone should do, or even what you would do in that situation. YOU DON’T KNOW!

That goes for everything and anything in life. If you have never ______, then you don’t have any idea what it’s like. Stop judging! Stop making assumptions of what someone should do, or even what you would do in that situation. YOU DON’T KNOW!

It is so incredibly frustrating to watch or hear people write or say words that come from absolute ignorance. So on behalf of the entire mental health community… SHUT UP! 

Neurobiology

Okay, my rant is over; I can continue on with the actual reason I am writing this post. Which is explaining what is biologically happening in the brain during suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation is when you are in the state of wanting to take your own life, or are thinking about taking your own life.

Suicidal Ideation

There are two types of suicidal ideation; Passive and Active. 

Passive occurs when you wish you were dead, wish you would die, but don’t actually have plans to commit suicide. During this state, you feel and think about death as being tempting or appealing for whatever reason. Be it that you feel you would no longer be in pain, or you feel you would no longer be a burden to others, etc. 

Active means that you are not only thinking about suicide, but have the intent to, and/or have a plan to commit suicide. So what’s happening inside the brain during all of this? I’ll keep the explanation simple: 

Prefrontal Cortex

Your prefrontal cortex, which is the part of your brain above your eyes, is what inhibits damaging and dangerous behaviors. When you are in a state of suicidal ideation, there is a level of dysfunction occurring in that part of your brain, making it less likely for you to stop an urge to kill yourself. 

There are other factors, such as how your serotonergic system is working, or if your noradreneric and dopaminergic systems are implicated, but the biological details on suicide are still being researched.

What is known is that depression affects more than half of the people who die by suicide. Bottom line, someone can be in a depressive zone that is so low, that their brain stops them from holding back on damaging or hurting themselves. 

STATS for 2020

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, in 2020, there were 1.20 million attempts of suicide, 45,979 people died by suicide, and suicide became the 12th leading cause of death. 

This week we lost two public figures to suicide. Because of their celebrity and public status, the world is aware of (if you are following the stories) the situations due to social media. 

Naomi Judd

On Saturday, April 30th, Naomi Judd, known as an icon in country music, and part of the mother-daughter duo, “The Judds”, committed suicide. Naomi became open about her struggle with suicidal depression and wrote an open letter about her struggles back in 2018 in People Magazine for Mental Health Awareness Week. She stated” 

“People who commit suicide are experiencing problems with mood, impulse control and aggression, all of which involve discrete circuits in the brain that regulate these aspects of human experience, but we still don’t understand how these circuits go haywire in the brains of suicide victims.”

You can read her full letter here: https://people.com/country/country-legend-naomi-judd-died-by-suicide-sources/

It is just heart breaking that Naomi, as an advocate for mental health, as well as having been open about her struggle with suicidal depression, was unable to beat it. Talking about it, being open about it; her treatments; it was not enough.

Kailia Posey

On May, 2nd, just days after Naomi’s suicide, 16-year-old, Kailia Posey, known as a competitor on “Toddlers and Tiaras”  commited suicide. Not much is known about Kailia’s mental health; if she struggled with depression, or if anything of her mental state is even known. Her step father stated, “Although she was an accomplished teenager with a bright future ahead of her, unfortunately in one impetuous moment, she made the rash decision to end her earthly life.” 

As we can imagine, the pain that this family must be going through is unbearable and unimaginable. Though there is obviously more to her story, he also stated, and in their family’s full right to privacy,  “We have no further statement.” 

What I would like to address about his statement, is that yes, she was an accomplished teen. Beautiful, with a bright future. But it wasn’t enough. Being a beautiful, young, and seemingly successful person didn’t prevent her from this mental health struggle that she had to have in order to have made this choice.

Nobody is Excluded

Both of these women were in completely different stages of their lives. Completely different lifestyles, journeys, ages, and ambitions. This can affect anyone. We may see more of the affects on those who share their lives on social media, or those who are public figures, but that is only a mere fraction of the amount of people who attempt or commit suicide each day. 

My point is this; we need more help. 

This isn’t getting better. Statistics continue to rise. More people are losing their lives to mental health. More of us are losing our loved ones to mental health. 

The awareness is there. We are talking about it. There are more resources available. But it just isn’t enough.

What’s still missing? More time? More awareness? More resources? Are we as open as we are claiming to be about this issue? Are we being as supportive to those around us as we say we will be? Are those of us struggling really being honest about the severity of our mental state? Or do we even really know the severity of our own mental state? Is it possible that we have no idea how bad it is, how strong the pain is, until it just takes over? 

I’m not sure that anyone has the answer. I sure don’t. I only have questions. So many questions.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, PLEASE reach out for help. Visit the National Suicide Prevention Site or call: 800-273-8255. There is help.